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feeling slightly overwhelmed with 3 boys under 4....

 
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Casey



Joined: 07 Apr 2010
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 9:35 am    Post subject: feeling slightly overwhelmed with 3 boys under 4.... Reply with quote

Hi,

It's 11.30pm and I need to be in bed and catch up on sleep but am still so upset about the day that I can't fall asleep. I have a 3 1/2 year old, a 2 year old and a 3 month old son. They are beautiful children. The baby luckily is incredibly good-smiling, happy and laid back. Although I am generally really proud of my sons, they have just i the last 3 weeks started to constantly egg each other on or fight over things. Until then they were just perfect litte buddies but now that son number 2 has reached the 2 year old stage he is starting to push back more and I feel like there are never more than 30 seconds without someone screaming or crying. today I just felt harrassed and traumatised by this relentless screaming and whining. this makes it worse because I no longer have the same energy to constantly distract them-it feels like a downward spiral. is this a sign of things to come or is this a phase?

At the playground today my oldest son pushed a small toddler - not hard, but just enough to have him fall on his behind. He also took a car away from him (it was his car, but nevertheless he shouldnt have snatched it)-behavior I haven't seen from him before. He has always been a really gentle little boy and all of a sudden i felt as though i have am the Mum of the 'bullies' at the playground. i felt taht the other Mums were judging me and probably thinking that I should have more control over my children. I was feeding the baby at the time and not prepared for him to act like this. The more I asked him to apologise and stop throwing sand etc the worst it got. By the time I left I felt like the worst Mum ever and so upset and alone....

I got so upset at my sons at the end of the day when they fought in the car taht I started to really shout at them to stop. i feel so bad now. i worry that I am turning into a bad Mum. We have just moved into a new city and I have had a hard time also finding any good daycare and settling in. Phew not sure what I want help with apart from venting. Funnily in general people often think i am such a great Mum and my kids are so well behaved...I feel more like a fraud at the moment.... time to get some sleep...just venting has helped...thank you!!!! Any suggestions on how to deal with being judged by other parents would probably help me! Thanks for listening to my waffeling on!
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ppaynehardy



Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Posts: 7
Location: Palm Harbor

PostPosted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 8:23 am    Post subject: Not alone Reply with quote

Dear Casey,
You are not alone. Being a mom of 3 boys myself I know how frustrated you can get. Though my boys are not so young I am also a preschool teacher and have been for more than 20yrs. The way your boys are acting is completely normal. I have to say I had to giggle hearing your story. I know when you are in the moment it is not so funny but it is exactly how boys that age act and I have learned over the years to appreciate them for all their mischievousness. First thing is don't worry about what other moms are thinking about you. They surely have no place to judge anyone. NO one has the perfect child. Those who would judge you are not worth your time. Second, children at 2 and 3 don't share. In fact I don't even like to share. Especially when it is their own toys. The best you can do is ask if they could give someone else a turn and help them with the words they are lacking at this age and tell them to use their words and empathize with their feelings. In the situation with the toy you could say "I know that you were upset that someone had your toy, but pushing is not okay." "Next time you need to ask for you toy back and not use your hands." Of course they will always push because they are after the imitate response but you are setting him up for future successes with these situations.
Hang in there Casey just coming on here and venting you surely are doing the right thing and the fact that you care so much how they act makes you a wonderful mom. Having a new baby at home has got to be exhausting. Try to get some Mommy alone time to refresh. Even if it is a nice bubble bath. I wish we lived close so we could go for lunch and chat. You seem like a nice lady.
Take care,
Pam
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Casey



Joined: 07 Apr 2010
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 10:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Pam,

Thank you so much for your wonderful supportive email. you have no idea how much it meant to me to read that. it really gave me a boost! thanks for taking the time to reply and pass on your advice!!! Funnily enough my boys have been just great for the last 3 days again. The day they misbehaved was also the day my mother left after a 2 week visit with us. It was a stressful day for me and in hindsight i think they also reacted to my stress. Also their 'routine' was a bit out of whack during those 2 weeks. I've noticed that evrything is manageable as long as i am relatively calmn and not stressed in general. They are great kids but also amazingly sensitive to moods i think. My husband sais it's like the 'smell blood in the water' when I am having a bad day-so true! I guess we'll always have great, good and some bad days and I have to keep that in mind...it's just hard to keep my confidence up sometimes. I love these little guys so much and I want to be a great Mum to them Smile. Thank you again so much for your advice!!! I'm going to reread it next time I have doubts! It will continue to cheer me up. I'd certainly love to met for a coffee if we did live closer Smile
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Tav Mom



Joined: 08 Mar 2008
Posts: 386
Location: Arizona

PostPosted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 12:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You know, we can't be 'supermom' all the time. We all break down. Seriously, I have lots of moments that I take back and have a 'do over'.
When our boys are this young, we are learning too. We have to have time to tread water and find our nitch when it comes to parenting style and what works for us as a family.

Best of luck!! You will do just fine!!!


This is one of my favorite poems:


Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

- Ruth Hulbert Hamilton
_________________
~Kathy, mom to:
Connor-4/02
Aiden-1/04
Keegan-7/06
Tarik- 7/08
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Granola



Joined: 31 Jan 2007
Posts: 314

PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 8:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

...well just thank you!!!!! I'm crying!!! Mine are all grown and gone. I miss them. The cob webs stayed in the corners, the house was a mess, but I did rock them. Smile I'm not serious, in that sweetie (fussing) ! You are a smart cookie knowing what is important in life, Smile My house is still a mess and I don't have them to blame it on, LOL!!!!!
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